It was a boring Saturday, I was flipping through the Star paper. Then I saw some enhance download page for handphones by DiGi. So, I took my mom’s sim card, which is 016 & put it in my phone to download those nice stuff. But after a several attempts, I couldn’t even download a single thing. Then I saw a service named ‘blah’. The service says that you can meet frenz around the world, so I tried, hoping that I can meet a gal from USA &amp;amp; Venezuela. But unfortunately I didn’t get any reply. I got fed up; I changed back to my hotlink sim card. Later in the day, around 3o’clock, I checked my mom’s phone & saw a message from a gal name ‘CUTEWON’. Then we started chatting.
First picture!Then 1 of the days we chat till midnight, we said goodnight & slept. The very next day, I received a message from 0162487979, saying that she saw me talking to her fren, so she took my number & smsed me. I was kinda shock coz usually I don’t get messages from gals unless it’s urgent. But that time I think I have a little feelings for Yvonne Fong (cutewon) till she told me her real name was Ng Yee Won. Then I kinda start to chat with Rebecca, the clown who message me that day. Somehow I got to know that she already has a boyfriend. I was kinda lost, coz I wasted quite a lot of money chatting with them. A few days later, she smsed me, telling me that she’s leaving her boyfriend. I was a little happy… ;)
We started talking on the phone on the 7th May 2004 around 10.40p.m. Although it’s the 1st time talking to her, we talked till 1 something in the morning. This routine keeps going on till today… when I knew she was single, I took chances & it paid me off handsomely. 1 of the days she borrowed her fren’s Nokia 7250. Then we started exchanging pictures through MMS. I felt in love with her when she sent me her nicest picture. The 1st thing that crossed my mind is that she was so so so cute. On that day also she called me ‘dear’ in the SMS. I don’t know whether it’s a green light or not, but I just got happy. I’ve to cut some part of the story coz it’s not my favorite part of this relationship. Although I was having my mid year examination, I still talked to her as usual. & the best part is that we met up in between my exam period, which is also my good fren’s birthday, Garrett. I hitch a ride to Mid Valley with him to meet her. Garrett was with Grace, so I had to break off from them to give them privacy. Oh ya… the date was 22nd May 2004. Everything that happened on that day was a 1st time experience for me. Dating a gal, sitting at Starbucks to eat & drink, going out with a lamppost =P. But overall it was a very satisfying day for me although my expectations were a little higher. After a few hours not seeing each other, I started missing her already. I called her that very night to tell her how much I miss her. I was so happy when she told me that she misses me too =). That night we were sharing each other’s opinion, expression, experience & laughter. Both of us were kinda regret for what we didn’t do on that day. Actually, we happy & relieved that we saw each other on that day.
We talked as usual on the phone everyday. But the only special day was on the 28th May 2004. We were as usual & it was already 1a.m. that was the time I asked her whether we would get together. She paused for a second, and then she answered ‘yes’. I was happy but not overjoyed. It is because she smsed me once saying that we should get together, & I told her that I will, when we meet again. He…he… but I couldn’t wait, so I asked her on that very morning itself. But the only big question is: ‘how long will it last?’
It was June already, & it was the school holidays. I spent the 1st week of the holidays planning our date. It got kinda stressful coz she was pushing me a little. Anyways, we got to meet up on the 9th of June. Everything went well till the time we have to depart from each other. It was a very very very special day for me coz I got my very 1st hug from a gal (a loving one) & a kiss from the girl of my dreams. The only thing I want more on that day with her is TIME. Time past so fast on that day, everything just happened so fast on that day. Unwanted things also did happened on that day & some of the other days of our relationship that I don’t want to write it out coz it might just trigger another misunderstanding. But those unwanted things that happened were settled instantly coz the there were no ego of admitting & saying sorry for what had happened. Everything went normal & I met her again on the 30th of June. Although we didn’t have lunch together, we had the best day of our lives so far. The only thing that was wrong that day was she skip school just to see me. After that meeting, we felt that we love each other more than ever. Our smses were so lovey-dovey. To tell the truth, I appreciate her a lot coz she has been the most understanding gal that I’ve ever met. She listens to my problem, comforts me, cares for me & most importantly…she loves me.
Everything was smooth flowing till her mom’s birthday. The night before her mom’s birthday, she told me that she was making a card for her mom but don’t know what to write in it & she asked me for opinion. I dunno what happened to me but in minutes I wrote this for her to write it for her mom:
We had our differences,
We had good times together,
Although there’s someone missing in your life,
You still stand strong,
To live the life you’ve always dreamt of,
You’re not alone,
You’re never alone,
I’m right by your side,
Wishing every burfday of your life,
Enjoy your day,
Happy burfday mom.
She did change a little before giving it to her mom. On her mom’s birthday, her mom cried after reading it. So I guess I made someone’s day. Ha…ha, I’m bragging. The only sad thing is that I couldn’t see her mom’s expression after she read the card. It’s my 5 minutes masterpiece you know… & I didn’t get any credit for it. I only get a ‘thank you’ from May Lyn herself that’s all but I think it’s enough. But that’s not the problem; the problem is at the end of that day, where May Lyn decides to tell her mom bout her relationship with me. & guess what? She got a slap from her mom for telling the truth. I felt so guilty when I heard bout it. And there is where the entire crisis started. Her mom called me & sounded me on Friday. After I put down the phone I started crying straight away. Emotions went high, I just couldn’t accept the fact her mom is not really that open-minded. My life was thorn into pieces that day coz I broke down mentally & emotionally. To make things worst, she told me that her mom brought her to the police station to report that she skipped school on the day she went out with me. That made me guiltier & I’m starting to think that since I appeared in her life, I put her into a lot of trouble. I know love needs sacrifices, but not until it puts your own life in jeopardy. But I don’t wanna lose her, not now, not ever. I love her so much that my life is in tatters without her love, her voice, & her SMS. For now, we are not communicating like the old times & that made me lose concentration in life. It’s coz her mom confiscated her phone & who knows when she’s gonna give it back to her. I dunno how to express myself in this problem already coz it has made me crazy… only for this few days. So… she doesn’t have her phone, & we both miss each other. She just can’t stop missing me, so she took her tuition teacher’s phone to sms me how much she misses me. I do miss her also but I can’t reply her. The next day, her mom found out that she smsed me with her tuition teacher’s phone…but her mom didn’t really scold her. When I heard the problem I myself felt scared & guilty coz she loves me & she’s putting herself in a lot of into a lot of problem just to prove to me that she really loves me a lot. One day, she borrowed her friend’s phone. I was happy when I heard bout it. But that phone doesn’t have much credit. She wanted to buy a rm10 reload coupon but no shop there sells it. So I told her that I’d buy it. Actually I asked my dad to buy it but he came home with a rm30 reload coupon. I was shocked & hesitated to reload for her coz the amount is kinda big. But I still reload for her not because I love her but I just want our communication to be in tiptop condition. Well, she thanked me a lot. I dunno how to express my feelings to her already coz I just love her so much that she’ll always leaves me speechless & breathless whenever I’m communicating with her or when I’m with her. Ha…ha… I just dunno what I’m typing. =P
Later, we met again, & this time we met in Summit. It wasn’t a date coz she was actually going wall climbing with her friend, Afiqah. Well, I surprised her but she wasn’t really surprised. I didn’t really spent time with her coz she was so busy & excited bout wall climbing. So, I just sat down & watched her climbed, climbed & climbed. But between it I was studying just to prevent myself from thinking the unnecessary. & the meeting ended when I kissed her… that’s all. & of course…we took a picture together.
It’s nearly been a month since I last typed on this never-ending story… & it’s been a month since I saw her in Summit. I miss her so much till I cry most of the days in my life now. Communication has been very rocky coz of the cost of the phone bill. Well, I’m holding on so firmly coz I know that we’ll last forever. I really need her in my life, without her, I’ll lost my way in life & I won’t have a goal in life. I dunno how much she needs me… I do worry bout it. My sweet messages might buy her 4 heart now…how bout the future? To me, girls can live without guys. That’s my mentality after being rejected by girls for 3 years. Anyways, we’re going to meet on the 25th of August. & it’s like 2 weeks from now. Oh yeah… I made a card for her. To many frenz, it looks nice & they say I’m creative. But all that matters is May Lyn’s reaction towards it. It’s the 18th august today…1 more week to meet her and 10 more days to our 3rd month anniversary, I was sleepin & the sound of the postman’s motorbike woke me up. I rushed to the post box to get my mail coz I know that she sent me a letter. I opened it…it was like…so fancy… it’s nice of course!!!!! The content was hard to see though but it was very nice…. =P This is the 1st time a gal sent me love messages through snail mail & I really LOVE it.
I’ve beaten the record!!!
It’s the 25th of August already; it’s our date today. But it was crappy. We had 2 split up 4 a while coz she heard from Yee Won’s mom that her mom is comin 2 check up on her. I felt so sad & scared. I ate breakfast alone =’. Later, we went for the movies. I was so manja in her arms…he…he & a little notty. After the movies, we went to Starbucks, where she opened the “surprises” that I made for her. She said it was nice, sweet & unique. Then some crappy stuff happened. But I went home happy =). I got to hug her so tight tight…ha…ha =D. I miss her so much now…the time I spent with her was so limited. Wasted no pictures were taken =(. There’s only 1 thing that I thought 2day…which is I dunno how much she needs me in her life…I need her 4eva. I really love her so much…she said some stuff that wasn’t really easy to swallow. But, I didn’t take it as an excuse I took it as a statement. Sometimes you have to give in to the ones you love, without tolerance, love will never last. Not to say that I tolerate with her till I cannot tahan…it’s just that I dunno whether she knows what I’m feeling here. I hide a lot of my feelings from her coz I don’t want her to get worried &amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp; feel guilty. But today I’ve failed; I teared in front of her… I just couldn’t bear the pain in me. The pain was…I wanted a hug from her so badly & she thought…something else. I don’t wanna crack it coz it might coz another misunderstanding. I feel that I’ve troubled her life. I wanted to let her go so she can bond with her mom again. Since I entered her life, she had lotz of arguments with her mom. Do you want that to happen to your loved ones???? No right??? On the other hand, if I leave her, she’ll breakdown mentally & emotionally which is worst. I not saying that I’m stuck with her, I just care for her a lot. & when you care for your loved ones some sacrifices have to be made, & that scarifies might be so big till you don’t even dare giving up to. But I did, last Sunday, when her mom suddenly asks her 4 a lump sum of money coz of the phone bill. I felt so guilty, sad & worried. I asked her whether we should take a timeout…& she said no. I know that she needs me, but she needs her mom more. I rather be her 3rd best in life as long she is happy with her everyday life. It’s 3 more days to our 3rd month anniversary, & I can’t wait for that day 2 come. This month I’m gonna tell her that she’s the most understanding gal I’ve ever met. I dunno how many times I typed this in the essay but I’m gonna type it again, I really appreciate her a lot coz she’s understanding, beautiful, sweet, cute & LOTZ MORE!!!
It was the 27th of August. It was the 1st time I sneak out of the house to go & meet her in her god mom’s house. Without her god mom, I don’t think that our love will flourish so fast. I went to Mid Valley to wait for her…she came, a little late…but I don’t mind. When we reached her god mom’s house…foo yoo!!! Rich wei…4 floors the house. I had lunch there, & it was my 1st time eating caviar. Then I said hi to her god mom, talked for a while then she & I went downstairs. Unluckily, I stepped on dog’s pee ‘-_-. Things happened, good things…=). I teared in her arms. We took turns lying down on each other’s lap. It was romantic, loving & fun. It was the 1st time our meeting that didn’t screwed up. Later, her god mom invited me on a holiday to Penang. He…he, she’s not open minded, but broad minded. What happened on that day was the happiest day of our lives. We didn’t have sex k??? No sexual activities were done. I’m not those kind of crazy sex maniac. She was so happy, she smiled so happily, I dunno when was the last time she smiled like that but that was the 1st time I saw it. I myself was happy coz I saw that she was so happy. We took some pictures…finally…it isn’t clear due to my camera phone. I still couldn’t believe that I sneaked out. I wished the day never ended, we were so lovey-dovey the whole day. I didn’t know that we needed each other so much!!! We loved each other more since that day. The last time it happened was on the 30th of June. Our messages became so lovey-dovey this few days…I still don’t know how long we will last but I’m holding on…letting her know that I need her, I love her & I’ll won’t let her down. She said that I’m the most romantic guy she has ever met. I was happy to hear that…SO HAPPY!!! =). How can you ever find a partner who is so loving these days??? I’m planning to make her another card in the nearest time. Not to complaint, but I spent RM18 on 3piece of papers only!!! All are manilla card size & it’s VERY nice!!! It’ll be a 2months drag before I see her again on my birthday, which is on the 1st of November. It’s exactly 63days from now… =’(. Well, I’ve survived 1month 1week 1day, what’s another extra 24 days??? I’m strong k??? ha…ha
Something happened recently, I knew Grace’s friend, May Ling, through friendster then MSN. We chat bout life, exchange pictures. When her picture came in, I was like…silent. May Lyn on the other hand got furious coz I replied her slow. I was on9… =P. May Ling then agreed to be my pet sister but I’m the small one… =P. a little later, I got a crush on her. I decided to tell May Lyn coz I know it’s not fair for her to not know bout it. She got jealous, speechless & disappointed (I think). It was just a small crush & I got over it coz I only love May Lyn. I’m not saying that I’m stuck to my promise towards her…I REALLY DO LOVE HER!!! It’s a long distant relationship & emotions can run high easily. Now… I dunno what she feels now… we talked things out but I know she wants something out of all this. Honestly… I was in dilemma when May Lyn was mad at me & at the same time I was chatting with May Ling through smses. My feelings were divided at that time, but somewhere deep deep down inside my heart, I now that I’ll only LOVE May Lyn. Messages are kinda sarcastic & hinting each other as we don’t dare to get angry at each other. I dunno who’s gonna read this essay next but I wrote all this to express my feelings, to share, with truth & feelings, with no thoughts & to make it memorable if the story is suddenly cut short. May Ling is only my sister…nothing more than that. She has a situation now & I hope that I can keep her company till it’s over. I do have a small family out of the house, I got 2big brother…Garrett & Preseelan. 1small & big sister, Shu Fei & May Ling. Though they’re not really important in my life as how important May Lyn is to me…I do still care for them as…a brother.
Wow!!! It been 2 weeks since I last saw her already…time just past so damn fast. Well, I’m planning to meet her next month…during PMR holidays but dunno what day yet. The sad thing is that I don’t get to see her this month. Anyways, I’m planning to make another card for her but it’s actually under progress…ha…ha & the designs just can’t seem to stop coming into my brains. &…I’m planning to buy a towel & sew the design on it myself…I bought a face towel before but it was an embroidered one. Cost is not the main matter when it comes to doing things for your loved one. It’s the feeling that u put in it when you do it. I did it thrice so far, 1st a card then a message in a bottle & the most recent is the card (the picture of it is above). I just love doing these kinda stuffs for her. But the mood must be there…without it, ideas can’t even come in.
Oh my goodness!!! It’s already been 132 days knowing her, 130 days loving her & 111 days together with her. Our love for each other just keeps growing & growing. She’s the gal of my dreams. & I can’t believe that she found me!!! Kinda up side down these days when it comes to love. Ha…ha. My goodness, I even live ½ a day without her messages. I couldn’t believe that I teared the whole day coz I was waiting for her messages. Well, the card is almost done but it’s so crappy =’(. Dunno whether she’ll like it or not. It’s the 26th September today already, another 9 more days to meet my baby piglety. Planning is very crucial at this point because I’m going out during exam period. I hope everything will go right like the previous meeting at her god mom’s house. God had helped me a lot through this relationship, especially when I need to leave for home. He’s always with me, helping me through everything…endless THANKS 4 HIM. Without Him, I don’t think I’ll reach this far. By the way, my exams starts tomorrow, so I better get going for now. But I better finish up the card that I’ve made for her 1st =P. ha…ha it’s done already, the only thing missing is the picture that I’ve to insert inside. Hey!!! I juz remembered, we’re getting married on the 5th October which is 8 more days from now. He...he we’re acting like small kids. =P Well, it’s our 4th month anniversary together as lovers. It juz came across my mind that we never once spend our anniversary together. Well, messages are good enough, if you know how to make the person’s heart melt. Who can ever deny that we are the most loving couple of our age? Don’t count the rich couples coz as you know...MONEY TALKS!!!
30th September 2004, I woke up from a bad dream. I dreamt that she was so mature already & she changed a whole lot. I cried in that dream so badly, & when I got up, I felt so sad because the dream wasn’t over yet & I had to wake up to prepare for school. After dressing up, I went into the car & out of nowhere I started crying after thinking back of what she said the night before when we talked on the phone. I was shocked with her answer honestly but on the other hand I was too tired so I started crying on the phone last night. All these sadness were gone when I wrote it all out in my English free composition titled “my greatest fear”. I expressed everything, after that, I felt more relieved. There’s a lot I think about, just that somehow I overcome my negative thoughts. I really do LOVE her & I know she’s in love with me too but I’m really afraid that she can’t hold on because now itself we only meet once a month. I don’t know how long she can wait for me, coz I might be going for national service next year. She might just wanna find someone closer to home. Yes, I might be the LOVE of her life but I’m not there with her, I’m like just one caring guy across town. She needs me there with her most of the time, I know that, she has been hinting me, bout me driving in 2years time. I wanna be there with her but there are barriers in life, which you can’t avoid. By the way, it’s Thursday already…5 more days to meet her. I just can’t wait anymore, I need her with me now, I need her hug, I still remember the 1st time she hugged me, my heart sank & I knew that she needed a companion. That hug was so special & I can still feel it today. I don’t know what other people might think but I know that this BEAUTIFUL relationship is gonna work out if I really put effort in my studies. I don’t wanna let her down, I LOVE HER SO MUCH!!! I never had this kinda feeling for a gal before in my whole life…I really appreciate her & I really appreciate this relationship. I don’t want anything between us to end, I’ve been typing this easy for like 3months already & it has reached it’s 9th page…my love & feelings for her keeps growing & growing day after day, month after month, meeting after meeting & anniversary after anniversary. Hey!!! I’m going mad already, I JUZ LOVE HER SO MUCH!!!
Well, everything went fine yesterday when I met her. I had dinner there too & it was great. I gave her the card I made & I gave her god mom a card, thanking her for her kindness. Though we didn’t watch movie as planned, we still had a lot of fun. We missed hugging & kissing each other till we did it nearly the whole day. Her god mom took some pictures, even while eating. The day had to end after all; I left for home at 7p.m., reached home at 8p.m. The big problem is that I didn’t tell my parents that I was going out, & today I’m grounded. It’s only been 24hours away from her & I miss her so much. I teared so many times yesterday, I juz miss her so much. Another 25 more days & I’ll be meeting her again. That day will be my birthday. I don’t look forward to that day as my birthday but as the day I’ll meet her. My birthday is not important to me anymore. I don’t mind not getting present anymore; I just wanna spend quality time with my baby. She matters most to me in my life now. The crying feeling I have now used to happen only once, which is the 30th June 2004, when I left for home. I nearly cry very badly in the cab. Emotions are very high now; I really miss her SO MUCH!!! I never miss her this much before in the whole relationship. Why can’t the Earth spin slower? By the way, her god mom & her friend said that the card was nice. May Lyn herself said it’s nice & smells nice. He…he, it’s coz I put my deodorant on it =P. well got another 25more days to plan & make her another card. I know it’s funny to give someone a card on your birthday, but as people say…giving is better than receiving. My love for her is immeasurable, I don’t mind her not doing anything for me & I’m the one making sure that this relationship stand strong, I just want her to love me that’s all. Spending rm50+ a month to see her (coz I take a cab there & a cab home) to me is considered nothing, love cost more than money & money can’t buy love. I never use that (cab) statement as an excuse when there’s problem, it’s not right & not fair to give such an excuse. Love & care is what I have most towards my baby. I know it’s hard not to be with your loved ones although a day or two, & some people do ask how can I survive this situation? To tell you the truth, I only depend on calls & SMS. Juz to keep myself updated, I’ve spent around rm209 on cab fares, crap…I didn’t realize that. But it doesn’t matter; all I want is her endless love for me in return. No one loves me like she does, that’s why she’s so special & precious to me. I may have repeated what I’ve said so many times, but…I’m not bored of it he…he.
15 GOING ON 16…
4 MONTHS GOING ON 5 MONTHS!!!
It’s already been a week since I last saw her. Year-end examination is also over too. Its 18 days away from my sixteenth birthday. Wow!!! It’s already been 4 years since I entered secondary school. My love life really took a big turn this year, because I’ve been rejected for the past 14 times!!! May Lyn is THE P-E-R-F-E-C-T gal for me, I don’t know how she notices me…but I appreciate her A LOT for it!!! I think other gals who I tried to hook on didn’t see what May Lyn had seen. The gals who I’ve tried to hook on also get to see the real me most days but didn’t notice anything. May Lyn on the other hand liked me before seeing each other, only the MMS that makes us know how we both look like. Hey, I’ve just remembered something…when she knew me through Yee Won already; she borrowed her friend’s camera phone just to exchange pictures…of course before that she asked what phone am I using. I really don’t know what she saw in me at the really early stages of the friendship. I’m SO LUCKY HERE MYSELF =)
Now I know how those people in dear Thelma & Big Bro are going through. For instants, they broke up and then they miss their ex-lover then cry the whole night. I myself went through it though I didn’t break up. Its coz you miss your loved one too much till you don’t even know what to do and crying is the easiest way to let out all your feeling. I’ve learned a lot of experience through this relationship. I now look at thing & problems at a different perspective. Sometimes you might react childishly which can coz the problem to get worse. The same thing happens if you act too maturely coz your partner might not be as mature as you as you think. So far, I’ve been both childish & mature at times during problems. Well, it isn’t easy to solve the problems & bring down emotions if you’re behaving both childishly and maturely.
It’s the 21st of October today… 7more days to our 5th month anniversary & surprisingly, she coming to see me on that day too. After 7wonderful meetings of me going to see her, finally she comes to meet me =). Well, our relationship is wonderful at all times…& after many months loving May Lyn, I’ve got many of comments from people I know & do not know. Though there are bad comments also but its balanced…I’m happy with the comments though. Oh ya…my baby is shifting to Kemuning Utama in 2years time & it’s very near to Kota Kemuning. Nothing will change between us in that time period…I dare to say this coz I know how serious both of us are taking this relationship. So far most of the things I give her are all handmade…this shows that my feelings for her is so strong. I really don’t look forward to buy her a present on her birthday…I wanna make something, but one thing for sure is that I’m making a birthday card.
It’s our 5th month anniversary today…I went to Pyramid with her in the morning till evening. We were accompanied by 2lamppost, Linz & LeeMin. Oh ya, she got her braces already & for me…she doesn’t look so much different but still beautiful. It went well actually…except for some funny & crapy moments. I don’t wanna state so much in this essay. By the way, since I got my digital camera…we snapped many pictures together. But after most of our meetings together, I’ve learnt a lot about life with a companion. It has its good side & it’s bad side respectively. I’m still a young guy & being exposed with the real meaning of life with a companion is just way to fast for me. I just have to accept what had happened today & live with it in the coming years. I don’t think she got the whole picture of it because it never had happened to her before. I’ve felt it many times & I never wanna put her in that position because I care bout her feelings very much. In addition to that, gals react much more differently with guys. Most of the time, no matter what goes wrong in the relationship, somehow, someway the fault will all bounce back to me. I’m not saying that I’m not satisfied or angry or sensitive bout this matter but its because I love & care for her so much till I juz take all the blame in this relationship coz I want her to be happy all the time & not to worry bout anything. Sometimes loneliness juz strike out of nowhere & you need your loved one so desperately at that particular time. But for me, sometimes she’s not there when I need her…I can’t juz tell her off cause it might hurt her feelings & at the same time…what about me? I seldom leave her alone…no matter what I’m doing, if she messages me, most of the time I reply. It’s not the content of the reply that is important; it’s the reply itself. For me, no matter what she replies I don’t care but when I know she replies…that relieves me a lot, coz you know that someone is there for you.
It’s the 31st of October today, our date on Tuesday has to be postponed till Thursday due to some problems. Anyways, we still get to meet & that chance should be appreciated. We got a little panic when her mom told that there were some plans. Our love for each other really blossomed very beautifully after 5 wonderful months together. Though there were some scary moments, we bounced back from it & became more loving to each other. Having her is not only a dream comes true but it’s also a miracle. The plan reshuffles again, so I met her today, which is the 2nd of November. Things went well & I just couldn’t ask for more. To keep things updated this is our 8th time meeting each other in 5months. It’s sounds little but there’s always a valuable lesson for me after every meeting. We’ve been together for 5months already & I don’t see any cracks between us. For me, keeping this relationship together is not an easy task. I’m starting to feel guilty when I’m not doing a card for her. I feel like I’m less romantic already & this feeling can lead to a problem. Anyways, I really need to hold on to this relationship for another 2more years. After that, she’ll be my neighbor & long distant will be the thing of the past. Oh ya, I just remember…she’s goin to Korea next Tuesday & only be back the week after. “With great distances, comes great loneliness”, hahaha… I’ll be very lonely the whole week. Al least I got time to finish up the card that I’ve put on hold for so long already. She’s going for wall climbing today in Summit. It’s a chance to go & meet her but there’s some difficulty. Actually I dunno whether she wants me there or not. It’s because the last time I went & meet her with this situation…I felt down & she felt guilty. She’s wall climbing & I’m doing nothing coz I’m broke for wall climbing. It’s sad when your loved one is so close to you but not attending to you. For me, it’s already normal & I can’t change it. She herself admits that she’s playful at sometimes. Well, she’s young & young people are always going for new things right? Since falling in love with her, I laid low on all my hobbies & interests coz I want to give her full attention. Love is very important to me…losing it is like LOSING!!! Ok…here’s the REAL problem, I’m broke…I need to go meet her today, few weeks time & on her birthday. Her birthday is coming & I need the stuffs to make her presents. Remember…I’M B-R-O-K-E!!! I’m feeling so sad…my financial planning SUCKS!!! To give a better picture…I’m suffering & struggling like a guy who wants collect money for his marriage. I’m not working coz I want to keep her company & I want to brush up my studies for next year. Actually she doesn’t even know what I’m going through entirely coz I hide it from her. But how long can I hide? I’m the one who keeps the logs flowing so the flame can continue burning forever. I’m feeling depressed here…& no one can help me in this matter. She wants come & see me here but I don’t allow it coz she’s a gal & coming here alone is a huge risk. If anything happens to her…I have to take full responsibility. That’s why I have to go & meet her every time. Anyways, the plan was cancelled & I think the next time we’ll meet will be the week after.
From Malaysia With Love...
It’s 10.25p.m. now, she is leaving for South Korea in 1hour & 25mins. She’ll be there for exactly 6days. On the other hand, I’m stuck in Malaysia but I’ve to finish up all my plans starting tomorrow. I don’t know how am I gonna live 6days without her, as it when she’s here also sometimes I cry so much because I miss her so much. It’s already 11.35p.m., I think she just boarded the plane. Well, the loneliness just getting started here & I’m getting tired already. She said she’ll arrive around 6 or 7 in the morning, so I should sleep & wait for her call in the morning.Well, she didn’t call or messaged me at all. I don’t know whether she arrived there safe or not. I really can’t find the mood to finish up the card & I feel really lost & lonely now. She doesn’t really messaged me often although she’s here, so…what’s the difference now? The difference is that SHE’S NOT HERE!!! She’s aboard & I don’t know whether she’s safe or not? If she’s in Malaysia & “if” anything happens to her…I can rush to go see her. My days are very different…I sleep late, I think a lot…haihz, I’m just feeling so lonely.It’s 1.30a.m. in the morning now & it’s a Saturday. It’s been 3days since she went to Korea…& surprisingly I’m still alive!!! =P I feel a little cheered up because I finally planned her present properly. It’s all in the mind…but making it come to life is HARD!!! Even the cards I’ve made for her gave me headache & frustration at some point but…I dunno why I just love doing it. Ok, it just cross my mind why I really do this stuffs for her…I’m scared her feelings for me will fade & that’s why I’m doing all this to show how much I love her. Haha…I cut the story short =P it’s been 3days since she came back from Korea, & things changed a lot between us at this moment. I’m confused, lost, sad, frustrated &…I dunno, she’s not acting normally, she keeps having negative thoughts in her mind & she doesn’t want to let it out at all. I’m so freakin worried bout her, why is she doing this to me? Am I an asshole? Did I do something wrong? I am who I am in this relationship & I’ll not change what am I right now. I’ve been the very best I can, to love her & care for her since I knew her. I’m don’t wanna compare myself with her past boyfriend because I know…I way better than them. It’s already 5months plus & we should be closer than ever but with her thinking now, it’s cracking up. “How patient can a patient guy be when his patience coz him frustration that might end the relation”. Yes, people do say I’m a nice guy & all, but every nice guy has his own dark side…mine? Hahaha, the truth is…I think it was gone when I fell in love with her. When you’re in love, the bad side of you must leave you…or not, it’ll cause disaster not only to your relationship but also your friendship between you & your loved one. Well, things to settle down after some time…it’s like after winter there’s spring. Things are going great between us now…we just met yesterday which is the 23rd November. This time I only spend half a day there because her god mom wanted to go Subang. I gave her the present that I’ve been working on for so many days. She said it’s cute…haha, when I asked her what would she give from 1-10, she gave me an eight. In the noon we went to Parade, I ate in DOME for d 1st time in my life…hehe. Then we went to Pyramid & her god mom went shopping at MNG. She shopped for about an hour like that, so we took some pictures. After that, we had a light dinner & then I had go back to Parade to meet my mom there. The day just past so fast…but it was the greatest day together so far. It’s our 6th month anniversary yesterday, though we didn’t spend the day together like last month but it was more meaningful & fun coz it’s 6 MONTHS!!!!! Well, both of us are very happy with the relationship…& we feel very lucky to have each other as companion.
Tomorrow is her birthday, & hehe…I haven’t even finish up the card =P. I’m gonna met her in Mid Valley…& I hope everything goes on fine…can’t wait though coz I miss her so very much!!! By the way, I’m planting a plant for her…just started yesterday & I’m gonna give it to her when she shifts here. Well, it’s still small & I can’t design it yet. But I think 2years from now it’ll be a nice plant…if it survives coz for now the roots is hurt & the plant looks half dead =P. Took some effort, like finding earth worm for the soil, coz I look at the soil & I feel not confident at all. My plan is to put wires on both the left & right branch to make it look like a heart shape…so that will take lots of time =P. I just found out that I’m not going to meet her tomorrow coz her mom’s friend is taking them out for dinner. Well, I can’t do anything to change it, so I’ll just have to sit & wait it out. It’s all about patience; if you have no patience…you lose everything.
December 3rd was the 9th time we met & that was yesterday in Mid Valley. Though some things during the date went wrong, I think overall it’s a great date. Here’s how the story went…I reached there at 10.10 in the morning & she reached at 1 in the noon. Ya I know 3hours is long but I occupied myself well by seeing sport items & there was some French food exhibition. We didn’t spend the whole day there coz we went to her god mom’s to spend the noon with more privacy…hehe =P. This time I didn’t had dinner there coz I left the place at 6 in the evening. This time we gave each other love bites & mine was spotted by my family =P. It’s coz I didn’t wear a collar shirt after I bathed. It was very obvious coz it was on the neck (one on the left & one on the right). & of course we took pictures together. Bout the love bites, my mom was so furious bout it till she hide the phone. She even said things till I nearly feel like slapping her mouth off her face. Anyways it’s my own fault also for not hiding it properly & now my mom has second thoughts bout her…I feel so guilty bout it now & I know this guilt of mine now will never go away. Now I’m like been forced to play hide & SEEK with my mom coz of the phone but in my mind I’m gonna play SEEK & destroy with her. Its not taking revenge on hr coz of what she had said but I’m making signs to tell her NOT TO PLAY WITH FIRE. Life will go on anyways & I’m not worrying so much bout it. A mom not caring for her child the whole year is nothing but when it comes to major exams, she’ll really take care of her child. Let’s come back to the love story…It’s gonna be 12noon soon & she haven’t reply me =P, I really miss her a lot everyday. Now with me having a problem with my mom, I can’t make her worry…I just don’t know how to tell her that my mom unplugged the phone, our communication will be so limited for now & that’s gonna hurt me really badly.
It’s Sunday today, which is 2days after what happened… I’m still ok with the family surroundings & the relationship is still going fine. She was here this morning but she didn’t tell me bout it till it was noon. Actually, I was still sleeping & I only got up at 11.30. Well, it’s Tuesday the 7th of December already & everything ok with me here. There’s nothing much to tell in this matter coz I’m barely living my normal life at home now. On the other hand, the plant is doing very fine after I changed the soil…it looks more lively & healthy now.
It’s just 3 more weeks before school starts, & I’m not at the top of myself at all. Life is not normal anymore like those lovey-dovey days; I can say communication is at its worst now. I feel like I’m not living everyday but surviving everyday.
Things are picking up already now, the house phone is back & everything is settled. It’s the 20th December today & school’s going to start very soon. Well, I don’t think that we’re gonna meet till the end of next year due to the major examinations (SPM & PMR). I’m a little scared of this situation coz I’m scared she’ll lose feelings for me. For me, I’ve got a lot of things that I’m doing for her…for example the photo album & the plant. These “projects” keep me company as I’m always thinking of her when I’m doing it. My love for her is so great & that’s why I’m doing all this kinda stuffs for her. She deserves me as much as I deserve her. People say this is only puppy love but for me, if this is really puppy love, I won’t spend so much of my time typing this essay in the 1st place.
7TH bWoy CrUiSiNg in the 7TH MONTH
with THE NEW YEAR!!!
It’s already the New Year; things are going well between us though there are a little misunderstandings already. As usual…problems between us are easily patched up. O ya, we met on the 31st of December 2004,the last day of 2004…wow, it was special for the both of us. It was a little rocky also but it turned out ok like the other dates. Well, we only took 1picture… it was the last picture of 2004 & it’s 1 of the most natural & nicest picture. It was 1 date I didn’t feel guilty bout coz I paid everything =) hehe… finally we watched a movie together too & the movie is the Aviator. It was a long movie till we got out of the cinema before the movie ends. That date was the 11th time seeing each other. To refresh all the dates that we meet each other for 2004, let me list them all out: 22nd May, 9th June, 30th June, 17th July, 25th August, 27th August, 5th October, 2nd November, 23rd November, 3rd December & 31st December. There was once she came to Kota Kemuning to see her house in Kemuning Utama, so I cycled out to the main road…waiting for her to pass by & I just waved at her. It was just a glance of her but I’m happy with it =). I’m happy because she’s here in Kota Kemuning!!! She’s shifting to Kemuning Utama around 2007, where I’m already 19 & she’s 17. I know it’s a long way & things might change between us but I’ve strong faith that we’ll last FOREVER!! It was Valentine’s last week & lots of things went wrong but it patch back by the end of that week. Before that, it was the 6th February…I bought flowers for her to be send on Valentine’s Day in her school. It was half dozen of lilies that cost rm100. The screwed up thing is that the flowers didn’t reach her on Valentine’s. From what I’ve gathered, I think the school guard stopped the florist (a.k.a extra hired taxi driver who sent the flowers) from sending the flowers & brought him to the school office. The teacher took the flowers on her “behalf” & called her to the office the next day. She was questioned, being asked whether she has a boyfriend or not. That question was asked based on the message that is on the flowers saying, “Hey baby princess, may our love burn forever”. She kind of blamed me bout the message & there was where everything went wrong for me. Till now, I still feel sad bout the whole incident but I wasn’t sad bout the lost of my money. Something is just bothering me badly but I don’t know what it is. I still remembered that I cried a lot, especially when I look at flowers. & because of what happened she cancelled the date on Wednesday. She was supposed to come to my house, and then she said she can’t make it & told me to meet at school & go to Pyramid. Then because of the incident & her monthly, she cancelled everything…leaving me so sad, helpless & broken hearted. It was a crime being romantic on Valentine’s Day. But we did meet the next day, which is Thursday in Mid Valley, everything went well…we talked bout the flowers & I gave her Ferrero Rocher. It’s was nicely wrapped in ribbons that I planned the night before it. It took me 2hours to do it but it was fun & I thought of it as a consolation gift for the broken Valentine’s Day. O ya, we met after school, so it wasn’t much time spent together but I enjoyed every single moment being with her. She came around 3.40 & we left for home at 6 in the evening.It’s been awhile since I typed this essay…anyways I just met her today (14th March) & I can tell it’s the worst date ever!!! I didn’t even feel her love; I was ditched & left alone the whole day. It all started when she left me to hang out with her friends 1st (I was ok with it). So that particular time alone I spent it buying for a special gift. It contained a gift box with a pink Patrick inside along with a card & a rose. I wasn’t even appreciated for what I’ve done but was hurt badly. I also lose face in front of my friends…she even dragged me into the cinema even I don’t want to. I was a puppet to everybody today when I was in Pyramid in the evening just now. I still feel hurt…I cried in the cinema, public, toilet while bathing & on the bed. Is this gonna end soon? She made it so clear that her friends come 1st in her life. Where do I stand in her life? Am I dirt on her shoulder or prince charming in her heart? Why am I treated like this? Do I really deserve this kind of treatment? When she took the gift & left, it was the biggest turn-off of the relationship. I couldn’t take it till I called her & exploded. I started scolding & raised my voice. It was the 1st time I did it in this relationship. Negativity is all in me now…sad, frustration & guilt are rushing trough my brains making me crazy.
But then we went out on Thursday…to Summit to watch the movie Hitch. We patched back kinda fast actually. Well, I’ve forgotten everything about last Monday till today which is the 29th March 2005. I was called to the front of the class to share my love story. My showered me lots of questions like whats you’re sweetest & most bitter moments in your current relationship. To play a character of a sporting student, I voiced out everything that was suitable for my fellow classmates to know…haha. Actually I just came to know that we haven’t talk on the phone for quite a long time already. The last time we talked was last Thursday, which is our last date. She’s at the Simple Plan concert today & honestly I don’t like it at all. It’s not because she’s there & she won’t be companying me but I just hate concert atmosphere. Call me self-centered but this is one thing I don’t like. People can take advantage of you there at the concert…haha, maybe I’m just “thinking” too much right? One more thing, I’m going through a hard time in this relationship since last month…it all started with the Valentine’s flower story. I’m under stress because I don’t voice it out (I want people to think I have a perfect relationship, even May Lyn doesn’t know what I’m really feeling). To everyone everyday, I act normal, laugh & joke as usual as if nothing has happen. I don’t know why I feel all this right now…maybe it was the question my pet sister asked me through her SMS reply. It brought out everything sad in me, making me fall deeper than before. The plant I was doing for her…it died cause of my careless attitude & now the bougainvillea plant I try to mix so it’ll be colorful is driving me mad (it’s not going the way I plan). All this nice things I’m trying to do for her these days doesn’t seem to work anymore.how long did I left this essay alone? Haha… it’s the 22nd April today, just 6more days & we’re 11months together… Everything is going really great between us, just that I’m broke…hehe. The bougainvillea that I’ve been trying to make for so long has finally grown with stability. We haven’t met in a month plus…kinda sad huh =P. By the way, I myself re-read this whole essay recently (33%) & it’s kinda fun. It’s because when I read bout the dates I think back bout it & try to relive those memories…haha, I’m mad already huh…My academic results is bad so any next date is only a dream. 28th May 2004,it was last year…but it’s April already…yeay yeay!!! A month more to go & its 1 YEAR!!!
Everything changed…from good to bad; my love legacy is crashing, tearing apart, everything ironic you can imagine of. It was May 16th…err, the company thingy problem struck again…and this time it’s the worst. Bad build up caused the whole problem & it’s all my fault. Terribly my fault…She asked for a break up on the night of May 17th. It was the time we were so sarcastic towards each other & don’t even know what we’re saying. The 1st person I asked for help is Aunt Nikki…her god mom, she kinda lectured me badly & her tone, I can feel that she was saying I’m so DAMN STUPID when she was telling me that May Lyn told her bout the flower story…Yee Won came in the middle but it didn’t help, Grace gave me lecture, sounded more like a crash course. Didn’t declare it to the world because I know it isn’t over between us. But I cried very badly…on that night itself especially…IT WAS ALL MY FAULT!!! Since then, every morning I wake up feeling guilty of something I did wrong last time…every morning a different one. My heart aches badly…LITERALLY K!!! She’s not replying nor calling…plus I’ve been forbid to message her, only snail mailing. Well, I’m working on the 1 year anniversary card; I don’t know whether I should wish her this coming Saturday that is the 28th May. I can’t live like this for long…my heart has a missing piece & now it doesn’t beat properly. I’ll do anything to turn back time…I REALLY LOVE THIS GIRL A LOT!!! I feel guilty but I don’t how to explain it…I feel very guilty because we had so much happy moments together & the relationship ends…it’s like I’ve been taking advantage of her… that’s how I feel. It’s kills me over & over again everyday since we “broke up”. I don’t want my relationship to end. No matter what, how long it takes, I’ll hold on to my promise as long as she does the same for me too. We have almost everything…I describe that we’re perfect!!! But she let go for a reason…her mom is kinda pushing her hard on her studies at the moment…that’s another factor to the problem. I admit that I’ve done more wrong to her than she to me. I’m immature…it’s true that my pet sister said that guys mature slower than gals. And it kills me when everybody around me is right. They tell me it’s going to be fine…what if fine isn’t enough? I WANT EXTRAODINARY…What I have is more than friends & I never wanna go back to that level. I really still got a lot to prove to her & I hope she comes home to me soon. She’s my 1st love; no one wants to lose his or her 1st true love. Shu Fei, my other pet sister said that gals wont give up something so important. Hope she’s right… Lately I’ve been watching Smallville a lot & I’ve learned a lot from it. But how long am I to wait? But at least that show calms me down a lot because Clark Kent has just became my role model. He taught me a lot bout patience & composure. By the way, I have to wait it out…without knowing for how long but I’m willing to. She’s the One for me; I’m so lucky to have her…I don’t want to live a live without her. You can’t find gals like her anymore these days…she’s patient, loving, beautiful…she’s just perfect for being herself. This love legacy isn’t over yet; I can still feel her around but with a distance this time. Can’t be that bad right? I’m hanging on…never letting go to something so IMPORTANT TO ME!!!
I’m from Mars,
She’s from Venus.
Well, it’s been 22days since we broke up. She asked me to go our separate ways. She says she ain’t my type. We were on a high note & suddenly it just crashes down. The true story is that I kinda bugged her a lot for company & her mom pressured her to study as PMR is coming. Now…we are like distant friends, awkward & trying to avoid me all the time. Friends who I open up to are terrible help. By the way, I was so lucky on the day I posted the stuffs to her because I nearly miss the pickup guy. She got everything but I didn’t get a good & clear respond. I put so much effort, did so much sacrifices & I didn’t get a second chance. She said she have a new guy in target so she asked for break. Logically, if you just got of a bad relationship…you won’t just fall for another person so fast right? She just wants to push me away for a reason I don’t know. I really don’t know how is she coping life without me but I’m not doing a good job with my own life. All I can do now is keep my fingers crossed & hope she’ll call me after both our exams are over…which is like 5 and the half months from now. I read articles & love stories just to keep my hopes alive because most of them ends up the gal missing her ex so much but her ex don’t really want her back. “DON’T LEAVE SOMEONE YOU LOVE FOR SOMEONE YOU LIKE”, that’s what Garrett told me & that’s the only advice I took from him & really live up to it. Here are some of the things I’ve done for her in overall.
Waiting for the eclipse…
That’s most of everything I’ve done for her =P. I didn’t I have so much artistic talent in me =P. It’s all up to her to keep it properly or dump it away =’(. SHE’S MY FIRST LOVE; SHE CHANGED MY WHOLE LIFE WITH NEW EXPERIENCE & BRINGING OUT THE HIDDEN ME. How can I lose her? It’s not about the kissing that I love her, it was never the factor…lust was never the factor in this relationship. I LOVE HER BECAUSE SHE LOVES ME. This essay has reached 10000 words plus. It has all the stories about this relationship, how can I just end it? Most of everyone ask me to move on because she did “move on” kinda fast. People say that you might not get things right at the first try but there are who does right? That’s how I look at my relationship…it’s great, it’s fun & lots more!!! I’m really waiting for something that might not come back to me. This essay might not speak for itself anymore…it’ll be worthless. How can I change my status now? I lost 99% of my ego when she left me till I went a little crazy till I shave my head =P. A lot of people said I look better sarcastically but I don’t really care about everybody comments anymore. Actually I don’t even care what people say about me since the day I coupled with May Lyn. She has bitchy friends that don’t like my looks & my attitude. My part of the story is that she also don’t care what people say bout both of us till one day she really got fed up & embarrassed then she let things go to save her own social life. Obviously after you break up, you’ll tell your closest friends… mine respond asking about my condition, whether I can cope with the lost. But her friends will gladly say that “good la you dump him d, you deserve better looking boys than him”. That kinda thing you know? So…the chances of us getting back together is thin with her having those kind of typical bitches that bitch about everything from A-Z & 1-THE HELL I CARE!!! But I’ll still hang on BECAUSE I’M KEEPING MY SO CALLED CHILDISH PROMISE!!! I don’t know why but out of no where I’m typing this essay to happily like I already got her back in my arms again. I don’t wanna look at her as a gal who is my platform to my real love life in the future but I wanna see her as a gal who is a pathway to eternal happiness. May Ling, my pet sister said that love can be sweet & simple or it might be complicated. I always see mine as sweet & simple because we really look perfect together, age gap is just nice…but things aren’t the way I assume they are. Honestly, I really want her back so badly & I’m afraid that the upcoming 5 1/2 months might change a lot of things between us. That’s the best part of life…Lex Luthor from the show Smallville said that if life is so mapped out for you then life is not a journey. Every one of us is on Earth has a purpose to live. Life is a journey & God is your compass…well mine is still wide open & I just narrowed it. I don’t know how long this flame in me will last but every heart beat keeps it alive though =P hehe…but I have to love her from a great distance now… =’(
It’s July already, still no sign of anything from her…she said we could stay as friends but I’m no getting any communication from her. Last Thursday, which is the 7th of July, I called her mom to wish her happy birthday and wanted to explain everything to her but she’s busy. O ya, it’s the same day London got bombed…so if any of you are reading this essay, please take a minute & pray for those who died in the tragedy. Last Friday, my 1st ex asked me back into her life…but she isn’t whom I want back in my life. She kinda pushed me recently & it made me think of May Lyn more. I cried for the past few nights thinking of her =’(. I really miss her a lot…I don’t know whether things going to get better between us. This 1st ex took a year…(there’s a stupid story behind it that I don’t wanna state it out)…what about May Lyn? She doesn’t even talk to me till I have to settle talking things out with her mom, which is not happening because she’s a very busy woman. It’s Wednesday today… I rejected my ex…felt good & guilty about it though. Felt good because I’m still on my promise =) but guilty because I’ve hurt someone. I love May Lyn SO MUCH!!! That strength & energy made me overcome my uncertain decisions with love. Man…I haven’t even talk to her mom yet. It takes a lot of guts & nerve to call a working business lady because she is most of the time busy & might lose her temper on you. So far I called her twice & she’s busy at both times. The feeling…let me bring you through it: My heart beats fast when I dial her number, panic a little when I hear the ringing tone & when she picks up the phone, you really need composure if you really want to start a conversation. I’ve passed that level so far but I still haven’t get to the talking part with her yet =P.
Last Thursday was the worst day of my life I can say because I really lost my friendship with her but I’m kinda over about the matter already. Her friend kept dropping the F-bomb on me but I kept my cool because I’m not going to waste my time anymore waiting for someone who doesn’t keep his or her promise. So, it’s kinda the end of this love legacy with a start, conflicts, climax & a great drop in the ending. For those who are reading this story till this point, thanks for your support. For updates…I’m form 5 now, 3months more to SPM, doing well over matters & still live life to the fullest but not in studies =P. Maybe I might continue because I’ll speak my mind here if it’s anything that got to do with Rebecca. MY FIRST LOVE LIFE, OVERALL…IT’S NOT AN EXPERIENCE BUT MEMORIES & LESSONS TO LEARN FROM.